petunia

I lost another pound.  I thought it would be more considering how my clothes fit but I’m not going to complain.  Anyhow, I watched a TV Show last year that helped people with weight loss.  I can’t remember the name of it.   A  man would assess people individually and help them with some of their other goals and obstacles.  This would often assist them to make life changes which would lead to weight loss.  One woman had a lot of clutter around her house.  I could relate to her.  I have more projects stuffed away that I can get through.   I making it a mission to get rid of this stuff.   The junk is like a security blanket and its hard to throw out.  The extra pounds I’m carrying is kind of like that, too.   

I had a nice surprise when I stepped on the scale on Wednesday.  I was feeling so lousy and weighed myself as a matter of routine.  The scale at the gym is in the changing room.  I walked in feeling grumpy and depressed and left with a smile and a spring in my step.  All my worries didn’t seem so bad.  I have some very legitimate reasons for feeling so bad.  But, all it took was a two pound weight loss to make everything seem more hopefull.  Hoorah for me!!!

I’m trying to eat only every three hours.  It has worked for me in the past.  I eat whatever I want until I’m comfortably full.  I’m doing it to avoid snacking and get some kind of control over the food I put in my mouth.  Today was a breeze.  I was barely hungry.

My six year old daughter & I are home sick with the flu.  I often get sad when I’m sick but I know it’s temporary.  I snuggled up on the couch, watched movies and I ate and I ate.  It’s a free pass when you’re sick, right?  I’m doing some soul searching on my diet and eating habits.  It’s been over a year since I joined buddyslim.  I weigh slightly more now than I did last year.  I’ve been on countless diets and tried lots of different techniques.   I trained for a year for a sprint triathalon.  Still, no weight change.  I’m not terribly overweight.  I have these annoying love handles that always stick out of my pants.  I’m a great mom and my husband loves the way I look.  I don’t, though.  Someday I will wear jeans and a T-shirt and look great. 

Last week I decided to work on my core every morning.  My plan was to start out with 20 minutes of exercises and then build to an hour every morning.  I would have a fantastic looking waistline by summertime.  I started with Jackie Warner’s core exercise video.  Unfortunately, it hurt my lower back.  I can barely move.  I performed the exercises but a couple days later I was in terrible pain.  Its a catch 22.  I’m told that my lower back often hurts because my abs are weak.  When I work out my abs, my lower back often gets hurt.   Yoga is the worst.  I’m pretty flexible, I can run several mile, I can ride a bike 10 miles, waterski and lift weights.  But if I do yoga, I’m pain for a week or two.   Its very frustrating and painful but I’m a tough cookie and will heal in time.  I’m not giving up developing my core I will just do it much slower.  Jackie’s workout will have to be a long term goal.

I’ve been doing some soul searching about my lousy eating habits.  I can go through the motions and follow a diet for a period of time.   I despise it every step of the way.  There’s no heart in it.  Sure, I really really want to be slimmer.  It’s been a goal for over six years and I’m not giving up.  I’m so sick & tired of it.  I keep saying the same things again & again & again.   So, no more complaining.   I need to get some heart and passion back in my life.  I’m the only one who can do figure it out.  I have some lousy things going on in my life, right now.  I have more really good things.  Those lousy things need to be reduced to what they are.  Just deal with it and stop wasting energy.  

The weight loss is still not happening.  I even gained a pound.  I’m NOT going to lose this battle.  Its a matter of principle now.  I’m in fight mode now & going to kick it’s a–.   A couple weeks ago I decided to stop weighing myself and change some habits for 10 days.  I stopped eating after 7 PM and waited 3 hours between reasonable meals.  I started working my abs first thing in the morning.   I also go to the gym 3 -5 times a week to lift weights and do cardio for 40 minutes +.   I accomplished this for 10 days (not necessarily in a row) and weighed myself last night.  I gained a flipping pound and after my workout I came home and binged. 

Today is a better day & I woke up in fighting mode.  I will not lose this battle.  I’m only trying to lose 10 pounds but I’ve been putting in serious effort since September.  Its mostly on my hips & tummy.  I have to wear baggy shirts to conceal a muffin top.  Better fitting pants would help but I refuse to buy clothes until I lose weight.  My clothes are worn out & terribly out of date.  This should be motivation but it really makes me feel like crap. 

So, here are some new habits to follow.  In addition to waiting 3 hours between meals, not eating after 7 PM, working my abs every morning and going to the gym I’m going to:   drink a bottle of water in between meals, keep my meals to no more than 350 calories and watch my sodium.  I dispise counting calories but if thats what it takes then that’s what I’ll do.  I’m not ready to count sodium yet.  I crave sugar, not salt. 

The good news is that I’m really not hungry after 7 pm anymore.  Waiting 3 hours for meals is still hard.  My body is getting stronger.  My arms have some small muscles and my rear has been lifted.    My tight jeans felt better last time I wore them.  Before that, I could barely move in them.  Hopefully, water will be the key that I have been missing. 

One day soon, I’m going to log on to Buddy Slim and say “I DID IT!”,

I went through my triatholon again.  I’m trying to do it once a month until the actual race.  Hopefully my time will decrease each month.  Here it was on Feb 28th:    3 miles run 38 minutes, 10 bike 50 minutes, 1/3 mile swim (forgot to time)

I always say the same thing:  my workouts are awesome but I cannot control my eating.  I’m working out very hard and getting stronger but my weight and size has not changed.    Exercise alone will not accomplish my goals.  Every week I have a new “system” to eating better.  This week it is the 3 hour challange.  I can only eat every 3 hours.  This week I will continue with the 3 hour system but keep my calories to around 300 a meal.   Next week it will be something different. 

I’ve starting doing abs & core workouts from the TV.    I started with the most basic workout offered.  My core is really weak.  Lots of buddyslims say good things about pilates so maybe I’ll give that a try too.  Have a good week! 

I’m going to be patient.   I’ve been doing everything right for the past week and there is no weight change.   Maybe all that muscle I’ve been building is weighing me down (ha ha).   Seriously, I have been working out steady since September.  As soon as I lose 5 pounds I’ll take measurements.  I last took them in Oct or Nov.   There should be a dramatic change.  If not, then I’m doing something wrong at the gym.  Tomorrow I’ll put on my skinny jeans.  I could barely breathe in them last week.   I’ll just be patient not give up.  I so badly need new clothes but I’m going to wait until I lose 12 pounds. 

It’s 7:38 & I’m not going to eat after 7:00 PM anymore.  I’m kind of hungry but I’m really just used to eating in front of the TV.  I’ve had a good day and have had a healthy diet.  I’ve had hungry spells today but managed OK.  I feel good about myself right now.  I just got back from a great workout.  It’s strange that the awesome workouts are not making me lose much weight.  I know, I know, my body is changing.  But my tummy and hips are not.  In addition to going to the gym several times a week, I have started working out my midsection in the morning.   I’m not trying to look like a model or wear a bikini.  I just want to slim down my midsection.  I know the key lies in my food intake.  I love to eat and can really pack it away.   I eat out of boredom and frustration.  I’m really amazed how hard it is to lose a lousy 15 pounds.

Can I get through just one day without overeating?  Today is the day I hope.  I wear my skinny jeans once a week and use them as a scale.  They are not fitting me well right now - very tight and uncomfortable.  I’ve had a terrible cold and allowed myself to overeat last week.  Also, we had company for superbowl and again I allowed myself to overeat.  Today is a new day.  So far so good but its not even 8:00 AM.  I always do so well in the morning and then end up eating a ton in the afternoon and evening.  I’m good at following rules and goals so I’ll just have to set up some more. 1) no eating after 7:00 pm  2) in addition to working out, incorporate mini stomache workouts during the day 3)  bulk up on more fruits and vegetables.   I’ll try it for a week and if these jeans are still tight and uncomfortable I will add another rule:  journaling all my food.  I do not enjoy tracking food so avoiding it might be motivation in itself.   I set up a reward schedule for losing weight.  I think I’ll change it to reward my behavior instead of actual weight loss.  I’m putting way too much thought into all of this.  How can losing some weight be so difficult?  Blogging and commenting on others is very motivating so I’ll make a point of blogging again this afternoon after I eat a sensible lunch.   Have a great day everyone. 

I received some very nice comments on my last blog.  Thank you so much.  I still cannot seem to curb my appetite but those of you who commented are right.  My weight may have not changed but my body has.  My clothes are fitting me much different since I’ve been working out.  I’ll try not to dwell on the scale. 

Today I had one of my most intense workouts.   I signed up for a triatholon in July and I have been training for months.   Today I went through the entire course.  My time was not great but I’m going to do through the course every month until July.  Here’s how I did:

Three mile run:  42 minutes       Ten miles on the bike:  58 minutes     1/3 mile swim:  25 minutes

When I arrived at home I pigged out as usual.  I need to take a snack with me in the car so maybe I will not binge when I arrive home.  I have a healthy meal planned for dinner tonight so maybe the day’s menu won’t be a total waste.   I really want to lose 12 pounds.  How can it be that hard!!!   Again, thank for the nice comments.  So inspiring!